Melanie Martin-Dent - November 24, 2005
Child Mental Health Care
Melanie Martin-Dent, Commentary on 11/24/05:
Imagine you are at a store walking down the aisle, and you come upon a child who looks to be about 11 or 12 years old, having the kind of temper tantrum you might expect from a 2 or 3 year old. What goes through your mind at that moment? What do you do? What do you say?
Most parents have the experience of disapproving looks or comments when their child misbehaves in public, but people who are raising children with mental health issues have more than their fair share of them.
I should know. I have two such children.
Six years ago, I spent Thanksgiving in a hospital consultation room, talking with our children’s psychiatrist. One of my kids had a “meltdown” Thanksgiving eve, that ended in suicide threats and a trip to the hospital. While other people were eating turkey and watching football, we were listening to the doctor say the terrifying and reassuring words, “I think your child my have bipolar disorder”. Terrifying because that is a disease no one would wish upon their child; and reassuring because if it had a name, maybe there would be effective treatment for it.
Some time later, I thought “If I’m having this much trouble getting help for my kids, and I have a good education, a flexible job, decent insurance and a car that runs, what must it be like to be the parent of a child with emotional and behavioral problems and not have these kinds of resources. This was the beginning of my journey to becoming a parent advocate.
And now, several years later, I’ve met with many parents who are in the same boat. I’m here to tell you that the challenges of raising these children are huge. Parents not only struggle with managing their children’s behavior—they deal with school problems, sibling problems and struggling to get the services their children need. Many services are not covered by insurance, or cost thousands of dollars of out-of-pocket expenses each year. Many are available only if you have Medicaid, many have waiting lists or aren’t available in the community you live in. And, if your child starts doing better, or if you get a small raise in pay, you may find you don’t qualify for the services any more. So you lose the service, your child’s condition deteriorates, and you start the merry-go-round all over again.
One night at our support group, we realized that half the children were on Medicaid and half on private insurance. After listening awhile, one Mom said, “And here I thought the problem was that I was on Medicaid, and all this is happening because I’m poor”. Another replied, “I thought all my problems were because I am NOT on Medicaid, and if I could only get on it, all our problems would be solved!!!”
Rich, poor or in between, raising children with mental illness is a difficult task. We need the help of the whole community to meet the needs of these children and their families. Skimping on their care, or treating them in a harsh, judgmental manner harms us all in the long run. With effective treatment and needed supports, many of these children can grow up to be productive members of society. Without them, they will continue to swell the roles of welfare programs, and SSI and the corrections caseloads.
Did you know that the largest mental health care facility in the state of Montana is the state prison? There are something like three times as many people receiving mental health care in the prison system as at the state hospital at Warm Springs. What does that say about us as a society? And while I haven’t seen the numbers, I’m confident that our school systems are up there in terms of number of people with mental health issues served, often without adequate training or the resources they really need.
So what can you do? To begin with, think again when you catch yourself starting to judge another parent. Do you really know what they are going through? What would be likely to be the most helpful response?
And, if you are a parent of a child with emotional and behavioral difficulties, know you are not alone. Seek out help from understanding people, wherever you may find them—among family, friends or neighbors, in the professional community, or from other parents who share your struggles.
Thirdly, be on the look out for political issues that address the needs of these families and children. We need adequately funded services, in the schools and through mental health providers, with reasonable and fair pay for those who work directly with these children. We need flexible funding to address the true needs of the family and child, including non-traditional providers ranging from Native American healers to therapeutic riding to peer support. We need a way to address the needs of children with significant emotional difficulties who don’t qualify for Medicaid. We need insurance parity for mental health. We need meaningful parental involvement in treatment planning, and for parents to be treated as part of the solution rather than simply as the cause of the problem. We need a strong family organization to bring the voices of parents and youth into decision making at all levels.
What will you do the next time you see a child or teen exhibiting out of control or inappropriate behavior in public? I hope you will remember my words, and become part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
My name is Melanie Martin-Dent, and I’m working on a project called HOPE abc, which stands for “Helping Other Parents of Emotionally and behaviorally challenged children”. We have a weekly support group which meets Tuesday evenings at 6:30 pm, with childcare and transportation available, a monthly lunch group, and individual advocacy and support. I would welcome your phone calls at 546-7006. Thanks for listening.
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