Pat Williams - June 12, 2012
O'Connor Center for the Rocky Mountain West
Shaving
I don’t like to shave. I don’t like shaving in the morning, afternoon, or evening. I just don’t like shaving.
It is a required cosmetic practice that is not only tedious but also must be repeated daily — sometimes twice a day…and I don’t like it!
The Egyptians apparently started this craze and it was continued by the ancient Greeks and Romans. But shaving implements have been found dating 30,000 B.C. Flintstones and sharpened seashells were used to scrape the face. I wonder if they were as lethal as the blades I have used for more than 50 years.
I have tried electronic razors, straight razors and safety razors, single-edged, double-edged, multi-edged, injector razors, cartridge razors and disposable razors. I don’t like them.
I admit that today’s razors are more comfortable and less likely to nick and tear — but I still don’t like shaving.
Fifty plus years ago when I first began shaving, it was a terrible experience. Skin dangling from open chin wounds, my neck prick-marked with bloody indentations, small pieces of toilet paper covering the wounds. And then came the application of an antiseptic agent containing a combination of glycerin, menthol, and isopropyl alcohol — all of which were known as a “cooling aftershave.” One splash of that on my open facial wounds and I would hop around the bathroom like an aborigine doing a war dance on the banks of the Puget Sound. The more facial cuts, the higher the burn, and the more aggressively I danced and squealed.
I didn’t like it. Still don’t.
So, you say “grow a beard.” Tried that; didn’t work. The beard grew quickly enough, but into a tangled, multi-colored briar patch. I looked terrible — even in this state where men wear beards at a number much higher than the national average.
Nope, I didn’t like the beard as a remedy for shaving and neither did anyone else, including Carol who would say “I don’t like it!”
So here I am, the victim of abrasions, irritation, razor burn and bumps, and cuts of many shapes and sizes.
Well, I best come to a close. I have a meeting this evening and I have to go home and shave — second time today. And I don’t like it!
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